It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
