god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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