nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
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So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
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The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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