First date: that requires underwear, huh?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
