I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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