If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
