there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
