thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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