so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I still have a little drunk in my system
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
