Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
