Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
