In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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