the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
