worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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