ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
