Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
