We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
