i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
