The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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