I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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