I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
