I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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