would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
