Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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