Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I deserve this hangover.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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