Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
