3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I love you.
Bad choice
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