Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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