i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
