On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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