Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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