i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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