I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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