I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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