I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
