We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
