I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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