Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
