I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
