literally had 100 drinks last night.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
