i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
