I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
how does that bad decision feel?
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