You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
