I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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