dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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