i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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