If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
