she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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