before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
