Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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