Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
