Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
