there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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