How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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