I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
