I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize