Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
