What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
