I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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