I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
