i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
