when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
