addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
