Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
