At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
