you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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