I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
