I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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