Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
