i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
